When it comes to dating, there are some things to keep in mind as you embark on your journey. Here at 4Keeps, we have a few mandatory criteria, namely--respect the privacy of your match(es) and refrain from any inappropriate or non-consenting sexual behavior. Moreover, to be successful in your pursuit it is important that you get into the right mindset.
Getting in the Mindset:
- Cultivate the right desires. Does she really need to be a 10? Is him being 5'11.5 really a deal breaker? At the end of the day, we all grow old and shrink.
- Keep an open mind. Everyone's moving at their own pace. It's not about the state we're at but the direction of our heart.
- Men: Take risks and be vulnerable so that you can lead effectively.
- Women: Be confident in who you are.
- Until you're officially together, treat every potential match with respect as if they were someone else's husband or wife.
The First Date:
- Choose a location that suits the girl's needs (remember, she's spending the time and money to look pretty in advance and taking on the risk of meeting a stranger).
- You can offer to pick a girl up, but we suggest planning a central meeting point (for safety purposes...just in case).
- If sitting down on the date, try to sit on the same side or at 90 degrees rather than directly across from one another. There's a psychology behind this.
- Ask fun/ borderline ridiculous questions. You don't want the experience to feel like a boring interview.
- Don't brag.
- Practice active listening.
- Be vulnerable.
- Don't scare them off by talking about marriage and kids right off the bat. Same with religion and politics.
- NEVER let the girl pay on the first date (I know this is a topic of controversy, but trust us...)
- If you like a guy, you don't have to kiss on a first date, but you can show your affection by flirting while stroking his arm or touching him somehow (other than an awkward good by hug).
The Afterwards:
- Remember that the outcome of a first date is not a "yes I will marry you" or "no I will not". Rather, it's a "yes, I'm open to learning more" or "no, this fundamentally could never possibly work". Keep an open mind, relationships take time.
- If you're still saying no, are you self sabotaging? Take a critical look at yourself and ask if the reasoning for no is a fundamental deal breaker.
- Don't fall into the common dating app trap of thinking this was just a disposable encounter and onto the next. There aren't THAT many suitable prospects as you think. Plus, you were personally matched for a reason and prayed over.
- SO if you're open to getting to know that person further, let him or her know...and let them know in the next 24 hours. Don't play it cool. No one likes that.
- If you're not interested, stay as friends. Who know's what can happen?
- If you want to talk it over with one of our dating coaches, reach out to our team accordingly.
